As an advocate for self-care, I must be honest with myself and my readers. I missed a step. An essential step. I missed a measure that has stained my self-care journey……….
I didn’t take the necessary steps to self-heal!
*S/o to my sisters who helped me get to this point of self-actualization. Love y’all!*
By avoiding the step to self-heal, I’ve put myself in danger of experiencing that hurt again. Therefore, before jumping into self-care regimens that bring me joy in the moment, I should have taken the time to be realistic with my emotions and figure out a way to heal, because the joyous moments fizzle when the emotional pains surface when triggered by something out of my control. Truthfully, no matter how much I smudge or how many times I play a Frankie Beverly & Maze track the pain is there marinating deeper into my mind, and my creative sensations have been repressed, it’s draining, to say the least, and it’s time to heal.
In all honesty, it has not been THE IDEAL self-care journey. While I love smudging, indulging in hours of good music and skin care it hasn’t been the most practical with the emotional trauma I’ve been carrying for a while.
“It takes our whole adulthood to get over our childhood.”
(so I’ve heard)
Blocking emotional specks of childhood hurt out for years led me to believe that my forgiveness of someone was all that was needed to let go. More recently, I’ve determined that forgiveness is simply the first step and not the only step. By me harboring feelings about an emotional barrier in my childhood has not helped me by a long stretch. In mentally blocking the pain, I’ve internalized it. Hence, turning away from writing due to fear of what may come out. Shying away from several conversations and the list goes on. So as I get older and have more earnest and open conversations with friends and my sisters (who share the same emotional barriers) I’m aware that something has to give.
Being at this stage in life and realizing that my self-healing is extremely important in my/the self-care journey is liberating! Most of all, I’m proud of myself for actualizing and becoming a doer for me and my healing!
Self-healing is a prerequisite to self-care!
My first step in restarting this self-care journey with a focus on healing is to be consistent with my therapist and rekindling my relationship with journaling every night. I’m texting my therapist right now to see if we can meet every Thursday. So, please understand that I’m telling all of you this so that you all can hold me accountable, k?
I believe this is the most vulnerable I’ve been on my blog (besides my post about me losing my baby Chloe) and I’m happy I shared. Being vulnerable is what faith-style is all about, showing the good with the bad, and owning it!
It’s never too late to restart, breath in your body is the only requirement you need.